hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
