Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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