dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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