he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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