have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
