what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
