i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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