i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Sober January is a disaster.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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