I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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