I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i love accidental penises.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
