You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Who died my cat blue again?
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