I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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