Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize