I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
