ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
