I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
