I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
