she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Randomize
