theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
