the day after is always just damage control
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
