god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
