Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There's always time for handjobs
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
