It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
