i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm both gender and math confused
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
