Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You ruined the universe
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
