I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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