i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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