i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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