Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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