so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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