there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
