I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The adults are the big ones right?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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