the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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