ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
