she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
