I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
