Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
