Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
