Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
