I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
