Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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