bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
