We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
