I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
