I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
