I hate your face
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Randomize
