Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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