am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
