she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
