5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it hurts more in the daytime
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
