I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
