I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
As shirtless as possible
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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