I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
