Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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