If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
