We're like a lot better than the average bears
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
