dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
