Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
