Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Oh god it's open bar.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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