Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
