I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
that may or may not have been my penis.
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