He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i now understand why vodka
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
