I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
