He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
