my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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