He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
