whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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